Perspective has a lot to answer for. A post-work nap can feel great at the time, but not at 2am when you can't get to sleep. Being single can be lonely, but also offers a level of freedom which changes when in a serious relationship. An opportunity to do something different or fear of change? Celebrating with friends or making comparisons? It all depends how you look at it.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm an optimist trapped in the body of a pessimist. I love happy endings. I can't stand conflict, and try to keep the peace. I annoy my friends by being too diplomatic. I want things to work out for the best, in my own life and for others, and want to be able to do something to change circumstances for the better. I want to see the best in people. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that I'm an idealist.
The trouble with idealism is that it harbours disappointment, false expectations and naivety. I struggle with huge disappointment when situations doesn't work out how I'd hoped. I wonder what I did wrong, or what's wrong with me. I find it hard to cope when conflicts are unavoidable. I'm easily hurt by the actions and words of others and don't do enough to protect myself from situations or people who aren't good for me. I find some changes too big and daunting to make, even if I know it's for the better, because of the fear of getting it wrong or it not working out perfectly. I'm scared of taking risks.
There's a verse in the Bible which I worry describes me at the moment: As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. (Proverbs 26:11, NIV) I feel like I'm going round in circles with my outlook on life and making the same mistakes. Someone reminded me the other day of the different perspective that you can have as a Christian, especially if you are comparing yourself to others. I'm struggling to let the truths of my faith have much of an impact on my life at the moment, so instead of feeling encouraged (which I think was how the comment was intended), I felt like I was missing the mark.
It doesn't help that I'm exhausted at the moment. It's harder to maintain a balanced perspective when you're sleep deprived. But I do believe that there must be a balance somehow. Having enough hope to still see the good in situations, whilst being realistic enough to accept that life is challenging at times. (Cue a clichéd quote about life being like a box of chocolates...)
Here are my latest photos instead....
Day 208: Making it to the end of another day; Day 209: Light and shadows; Day 210: Starry, starry night; Day 211: When it becomes an acceptable time to go to bed; Day 212: Making it to the end of a long & difficult week and still being able to smile; Day 213: Smell the roses; Day 214: The finishing touches; Day 215: Wrapping skillz
Day 216: At least someone is enjoying the summer weather!; Day 217: Nails ready; Day 218: Had the best day ever celebrating with the new Mr & Mrs Namor; Day 219: Feeling very thankful to still have these amazing people in my life; Day 220: A moment of blue sky and calm; Day 221: Happy feet; Day 222: It's all about the eyes; Day 223: Free therapy
