Days 96 to 117

I've got a lot of bits and pieces buzzing around my head this week, which I haven't had the chance to process yet, so I'm going to keep this blog post short.  Sometimes all the stuff inside me feels like it might explode out, and I'm not ready to make that public quite yet!

 

So on a safer note, here are my latest photo-a-day pics...

 

 

Day 96: Loving my new birthday bracelet; Day 97: Evening sun in the city; Day 98: Florals and my Paperchain necklace at the ready for a staff night out; Day 99: A fun evening with this little lady (and my friends); Day 100: Celebrating 100 days of #project366 with macarons from a talented colleague; Day 101: Feeling thankful for kind words; Day 102: Managed to swim double what I normally do!; Day 103: Evening candlelight; Day 104: A pre-dinner gin & tonic cupcake!

 

Day 105: Hot chocolate pit-stop on my evening walk; Day 106: The smell of vine tomatoes will always remind me of my Grampa. He used to make me laugh by wearing an (empty) ice cream tub on his head. I miss him.; Day 107: A pre-holiday treat for myself from work; Day 108: Paid off the last wee bit of my car today - it's taken me nearly 3 years so feels like a huge achievement; Day 109: Panoramic of the amazing colourful fountain in Sultanahmet Square, Istanbul; Day 110: Dinner with a view

 

Day 111: I'm in love with all these brightly coloured Turkish lamps!

 

Day 112: Enjoying a bird's eye view; Day 113: Enjoying a final simit in the airport before coming home; Day 114: Enjoyed spending some time with these lovely ladies at the AIM Scottish Conference #teamDP; Day 115: Early birthday celebrations for dad #doubletrouble; Day 116: Meant to go for a swim this evening. Ate a piece of cake instead.; Day 117: Thirty lengths at the pool, check. Earned that slice of cake? Check!

Days 76 - 95

This time last year, I was coming to terms with the fact that I was now in my thirties. Something I had been dreading, and making sure everyone knew how I felt about it! This year my birthday snuck up on me, and I haven’t had time to think too much about it. Possibly a good thing.

 

Turning 31 definitely feels less of a big deal than turning 30, and I know that I’m in a much better place than I was this time last year. Sure, I still have some of the same fears, most of which I’ve talked about on this blog. I think some of my friends think I’m ridiculous and am over-reacting; I do feel self-conscious about appearing desperate or needy. But I also realise that trying to deny these feelings and fears is unhealthy. 

 

One of the things that I’ve learned over the past year is that I can’t keep defining my self-worth by what other people think of me (or what I perceive they think of me). There is something in my head that equates being in a relationship with being accepted. That my value as a person would be greater if someone thought well enough of me to want to be in a relationship with me. So being single sends the message to my head that I’m not good enough, not pretty or nice or funny enough, that there’s something wrong with me. It’s a big step for me to recognise that this is wrong. I don’t think this is restricted to being in a relationship, as I know I can be unhealthily sensitive about friendships too.

 

Making changes takes time and work. I’ve done a lot of reflecting over the past year, and can see how different parts of my life have affected me and led to the place and person I am now (for both better and worse).  It’s often not until after the event that we can have understanding and insight, and then apply that learning.  I’ve lost the naivety that used to lead me to believe that everything would work out the way I hoped – that all my ducks would end up in a nice, neat row. I’m not trying to sound pessimistic (although I know I have a natural tendency to be), but who am I to say for certain how the next 10 year of my life will turn out?

 

What I am trying to say is that although there is still a lot of uncertainty in my life, I want to do what I can to make positive changes and be able to enjoy the here and now, instead of worry about the past and future.  So I’m gradually trying to change my self-perception and base my self-worth on something more solid. Good foundations are essential to a strong and sturdy house.  Sure there are plenty of areas that still need work, but it's all about baby steps right?

 

With all that in mind, here are the latest photos from my photo-a-day project… Follow me at www.instagram.com/whatkt_didnext 

 

 

Day 76: That's how the cookie crumbles; Day 77: Oh my cod! The fish supper I've been craving; Day 78: In my pjs before 6pm on a Friday night #rocknroll; Day 79: Celebratory afternoon tea;

Day 80: A very busy little bee collecting pollen in the sunshine; Day 81: My lovely mother refusing to be in my photo; Day 82: Waking up to blue skies; Day 83: A brood of Easter chicks

 

Day 84: Getting excited to see Adele live!; Day 85: An amazing evening listening to an incredible voice at the Hydro; Day 86: Framed confetti from last night

 

 

Day 87: A mid-cooking dash to get some eggs for making dinner; Day 88: Finding pretty lights on an evening walk; Day 89: Classic Glasgow weather - sun to hail stones in the space of 30 minutes;

Day 90: Westend landmarks; Day 91: The sun has got his hat on!; Day 92: Early birthday dinner & desserts;

Day 93: Birthday flowers, brownie & cards; Day 94: Continuing my birthday weekend with red velvet cake; Day 95: Bright colours to banish Monday blues