Fundraiser

So as I said previously, the fundraiser went well!  I'm blown away with how much I made (I had been hoping for around £250) and am extremely grateful to all those who came along and gave generously.  All the money raised is going to RDIS - the Rural Development Inter-Diocesan Fund - which is the local organisation I will be working with out in Rwanda.  With the money from the fundraiser plus the other donations I have been given, I have £1870 in total for RDIS!  I'm excited to see how that money can be used - I'm really hoping it will make a difference.

We had about 70 people over the course of the afternoon on Saturday, for cakes, coffee (Rwandan Fairtrade stuff of course!) and craft.  It was stressful week leading up to Saturday as I had left a lot of my making to the last minute and there was a lot to do in terms of getting the house ready and setting up.  I think I was still making things about 30 minutes before people arrived!  Amazingly, we pulled it off though, and people came and bought things and enjoyed the mountain of cakes, and took more cakes away with them.  And I survived having my craft things on display!  People seemed to enjoy themselves, which is great too.

A special mention has to go to my parents for being so helpful (particularly my mum for doing so much baking despite professing to not being a baker), and to my school friends who came and helped out on the day.  I could not have done it without you!  Also to all the other people who baked for me, and to everyone who came along - a big thank you for your support!  It is much appreciated.

Unfortunately I didn't get that many photos on the day, but there are a few below to give you a flavour of it...  (thanks to Lynsey for the last 2 photos, and the amazing Rwandan flag cake!)

What a weekend...

Yesterday's fundraiser was an amazing success!  I made £790 on the day, with more donations to come.  Absolutely exhausted now, so will post more details and some photos of it tomorrow.

Art fraud

Yet again, I wonder why I didn't start all this sooner.  A bit like revision for exams at school, writing essays for uni, putting my folio together for my degree show at art school, Christmas shopping...  Err, I think it's time to admit that maybe I'm not actually that organised after all, but scrape through on the pressure of last minute panics and late nights.  Not recommended!

I'm having a craft and cake fundraiser this coming Saturday and while my mum has been baking and freezing for a few weeks now, I seem to have been in denial about doing any making.  This is partly because I'm doing the classic 'if I pretend it's not there, I don't have to deal with it'.  It's also because I find it so hard.  I was reading another blog today which was talking about 'inspiration overload'.  This is something I don't suffer from, but rather the total opposite!  People think I'm very arty, but most of the time I feel like a bit of a fraud.

I really struggled at art school, and it was quite a negative experience for me.  The process of coming up with ideas and creating is a painful one for me, and even once I have made something I find it very difficult to see any value in the finished item.  So it's actually quite daunting for me to be selling things I have made.  What if no one buys anything?  Or what if they only buy things to support 'a good cause'?  What if I don't have enough?

Once again, my super self-confidence shines through... or perhaps not.

I'm feeling tired, overwhelmed and vulnerable.  Wondering why I decided to have a fundraiser in the first place.  But I guess that brings some perspective back into this.  It's not really about me, how I'm feeling or what I'm making.  I want to do something to try and help others, and if I can raise some money to buy things to take with me to Rwanda that could possibly help someone else, then surely all the stress and self-doubt is worth it.

[On a totally unrelated note, I have added a 'follow by email' box to the side of the blog.  So rather than check back everyday (as much as I like to see daily page views increase) you can receive an email when there's a new post.  And remember you can comment below by clicking on 'comments'.]

The wings of stress

It won't come as much surprise to you if I say that I'm pretty stressed out at the moment.  There are so many thoughts buzzing round my head - what I still have to do, still to make, things to buy, people to see and so on.  I'm not sleeping well, my shoulders and back ache from doing craft, and I feel like my face is melting off with tiredness.

On the plus side, I haven't had this much energy in ages!  Having spent most of 2011 feeling tired and regularly being under the weather, it comes as a nice change.  I have something (ok, lots of things) to focus on and definite stuff to do rather than yet another evening/ day off with no specific plans.

Who needs red bull eh?!

What next?

I love writing lists.  Sad, but true. 

For this trip to Rwanda, I have all the bits of information and paper stored neatly in a file, with lots of lists.  A big one of all the stuff I still need to do.  A list of the injections I still need.  A list of things I want to make/ bake for the fundraiser that I'm having soon.  Another one for the things I want to get done today or this week...  Yup, I like my lists!

So I'm thinking a lot about what next, particularly as I finish both my jobs at the end of this week.  I'm looking at all the things I need to do in the time I have left before going away.  But I'm also thinking about what comes after that, once I get home from Rwanda.  That might be getting a bit ahead of myself, but I can't really help but think about it.  Some of the other girls that I'm going with will be going onto uni after coming home.  It will be 2 years in July since I graduated and I still don't have a clue about what next!  Is that a bad thing?  Not necessarily, but it does bother me.  Some people thrive on the excitement of the unknown.  Given my opening sentence, I think it's fairly obvious that I like to have a plan.  I would like to know how the rest of 2012, and beyond, will work out.  To know that I don't have to depend long term on the generosity of my parents letting me stay with them.  To have the confidence in myself that I'm capable of getting a 'proper job' (as in one that gives me financial independence and has prospects).  To think that I might get married and have a family some day.  To know that it will be ok.  That I will be ok.

I guess life isn't always like that though.  Certainly for me, over the past 8 or 9 years, the plans that I made often didn't work out how I thought they would.  My life now is definitely not what I thought it would when I was a teenager (and planning my 20s!).  But on the plus side, I do know (roughly) what I'm doing for the next four months.  I might be scared about it, but I also get the feeling that it's going to be an amazing opportunity.  And that it's part of 'the plan'.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29 v11

Going out with joy

Just had a leaving party with people from the church, where I've worked on and off since summer 2009.  I know I'm a quiet person, but it makes me feel very special to know that people do care about and notice me.  (said very much in a non-big headed way)  I'm so grateful to find that people are interested in me and what I'm doing, and want to encourage and support me.  I'm overwhelmed by the generosity of the people who were there this evening - a big thank you to you all.

Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to cope with this after all...

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.  Isaiah 55:12

4 weeks and trying not to count

In principle, I love the idea of travelling.  There is just so much to explore out there and I like the idea of seeing new places, experiencing different cultures and meeting new people.  In reality I think I'm actually quite a home-bird.  I love living in Scotland, and although I wouldn't exactly say my present circumstances are ideal, I live a comfortable life.  So the thought of giving that up to go off for 4 months seems crazy!  And yet, I'm the one who has decided to do it - no one forced me.  In fact, people have been very encouraging and supportive of my decision to go away.

I'm off to Rwanda at the start of March for 4 months, to teach English, with the charity Tearfund.  I'm going with 4 other lovely girls, so it's not like I'll be on my own.  And yet I'm terrified!  I feel sick thinking about it, and so underprepared. I'm having dreams about forgetting things, being ill while I'm away, not being able to cope, and so on.

Putting my over-active imagination to one side, I really want to keep a record of my experiences, and use this blog to keep in touch with people back home. So please read, comment and keep checking back for (hopefully) regular updates!