Art fraud

Yet again, I wonder why I didn't start all this sooner.  A bit like revision for exams at school, writing essays for uni, putting my folio together for my degree show at art school, Christmas shopping...  Err, I think it's time to admit that maybe I'm not actually that organised after all, but scrape through on the pressure of last minute panics and late nights.  Not recommended!

I'm having a craft and cake fundraiser this coming Saturday and while my mum has been baking and freezing for a few weeks now, I seem to have been in denial about doing any making.  This is partly because I'm doing the classic 'if I pretend it's not there, I don't have to deal with it'.  It's also because I find it so hard.  I was reading another blog today which was talking about 'inspiration overload'.  This is something I don't suffer from, but rather the total opposite!  People think I'm very arty, but most of the time I feel like a bit of a fraud.

I really struggled at art school, and it was quite a negative experience for me.  The process of coming up with ideas and creating is a painful one for me, and even once I have made something I find it very difficult to see any value in the finished item.  So it's actually quite daunting for me to be selling things I have made.  What if no one buys anything?  Or what if they only buy things to support 'a good cause'?  What if I don't have enough?

Once again, my super self-confidence shines through... or perhaps not.

I'm feeling tired, overwhelmed and vulnerable.  Wondering why I decided to have a fundraiser in the first place.  But I guess that brings some perspective back into this.  It's not really about me, how I'm feeling or what I'm making.  I want to do something to try and help others, and if I can raise some money to buy things to take with me to Rwanda that could possibly help someone else, then surely all the stress and self-doubt is worth it.

[On a totally unrelated note, I have added a 'follow by email' box to the side of the blog.  So rather than check back everyday (as much as I like to see daily page views increase) you can receive an email when there's a new post.  And remember you can comment below by clicking on 'comments'.]