Good Intentions

As much as I recognise that I’m a home bird at heart, there’s a part of me that would like to stay here for longer than just 3 weeks.  I like being with the staff at Dwelling Places, there’s plenty of work for me to get on with, and it is so useful being able to talk about things face to face.  I like Uganda, and would love to spend more time exploring and getting to know the place. 

But I also recognise that 3 weeks barely scratches the surface.  How well can I really get to know people in that time?  How much can I learn about Dwelling Places, their successes, challenges, frustrations and how they operate?  Do I really have any understanding of Ugandan culture?  Or the harsh realities facing children who live on the street?  I’ve driven through Kampala a few times now, and often only noticed the children on the streets out of the corner of my eye.  A girl outside the supermarket with a small baby in her arms.  The boys sleeping on the grass in the middle of a busy roundabout.  I’ve met a few of the kids who have been rescued and are currently living in the homes at DP.  But do I know any of their names?  Would I recognise them in the street?  I feel unsure about how to interact with them.

Yes, I want to work for a charity and yes, I want to help people.  But am I limiting myself to doing that from a place of comfort?  Am I prepared to come to Uganda, but still want to keep myself emotionally and physically distant from the core of DP’s ethos?  It’s so easy to lose sight of the children when I’m stuck at my desk in Glasgow, so what’s my excuse now that I’m in Kampala?

I struggle for money.  I often feel skint, and increasingly have to use my savings to get by every month.  By Scotland’s standards, I’m in a low income household.  And yet in global terms, I am up there in the highest percentage of wealthiest people.  How can I match those two statistics up in my life?  What does it meant to be locally poor but globally wealthy?  These two realities collide and confuse me.

I came here with good intentions, but I feel like it’s not enough.  I’m not saying that to sound morally superior or pretentious (it actually frustrates me that people think I’m a ‘good person’ just because I work for a charity).  But it’s not enough to come and sit in the office all day.  It’s not enough to come and get a token selfie with a child.  It’s not enough.  What am I willing to give?  What am I willing to give up?