Beautiful Attitudes - Part 1 of 3

3. Write 30 good memories/ achievements from my twenties

 

Sometimes I have to work quite hard to see the positives in my life. This item on my list has forced me to look back over the past 10 years and pick out some of the best bits rather than remember the hard times. It’s a good exercise to do. I hope none of these come across as boastful, as I certainly don’t mean it in that way. I’ve split this into 3 parts, so come back in February for the next instalment.

 

In no particular order:

1. School friends reunion weekend, November 2010

I love these friends dearly, and even after leaving school nearly 12 years ago (gulp!) we are still a close group. Some of the girls I see more often than others, but every now and then we manage a catch up with all 8 of us. This weekend involved leaking wellies, lots of jumping photos by Portobello beach, screaming with laughter in the taxi and drinking out of teapots and teacups. Something happens when we’re all together and we regress to being unsophisticated teenagers again, mucking about and having a lot of fun together. Who needs anti-wrinkle cream with friends like these?!

2. Greenhouse photo, August 2007
This may not look like a particularly special photo at this scale, but out of all the hundreds of photos I’ve taken, it’s probably my favourite and the one I’m proudest of. It was taken during a week-long college project at the Botanic Gardens in Glasgow. I was standing outside Kibble Palace after a rain shower, and just liked the curves and lines, the sunlight coming through the glass, and being able to look in and through it. Right place, right time. I’ve given framed prints of this to a few people, and I know my parents have as well. It makes me feel happy to think of my work being in someone’s living room.
 

3. Commonwealth Games, July 2014

I was pretty sceptical about the games coming to Glasgow, and didn’t feel that bothered about going along to anything. But once they were here, I thought it was great! The atmosphere was amazing, especially when I went to one of the athletics evenings at Hampden Stadium with my dad. The noise was incredible! I was also on TV (yes, I watched the events back on BBC iPlayer until I saw myself)! Given how competitive the home nations can be with each other, it was really noticeable how good people were at cheering for everyone, no matter where they came from. I also enjoyed some of the free events – the road race, marathon and chilling in Glasgow Green in front of the big screens.

4. Dropping out of Glasgow Uni, August 2005

Although this was a difficult decision to make, it was also a huge relief. I remember leaving my advisor’s office and walking down the street with a grin on my face, and a weight off my shoulders. It was the first time I had felt like that for months. It’s surprisingly easy to quit University - all it needed was a quick chat and a signature. That is, after the months of agonising and discussing it with my parents. I still have occasional moments of regret about dropping out, and worry that I let myself and my family down, but it was the right thing to do. And it makes me thankful once again for supportive parents and friends.

5. Weekend at Compass Centre with Uni girls, July 2010
 

I’d just moved back to Stirling after finishing Uni in Manchester, and spent a weekend with 4 of my 5 best friends from Glasgow Uni at an outdoor centre near Glenshee. I’d neglected these friendships so much over the 3-4 years leading up to that point, and I don’t know if these girls realise how grateful I am that they stuck it out and didn’t drop me. It was weekends like this one that reminded me just how important friendships are in life. And no matter how special that guy might be, he will never and should never replace those friendships.
 

 

6. Being able to fit into clothes from 10 years ago, Winter 2014
I’m so pleased to have lost over a stone since May 2013. I feel a lot better for it, and have the added bonus of getting ‘new’ clothes without spending any money. My wardrobe at home has plenty of clothes in it that I didn’t want to get rid of, but didn’t quite fit anymore. Until now!

7. My 21st Birthday, April 2006
I went to Edinburgh Zoo with my parents. This might not sound that exciting, especially for a 21st, but I remember having a really good day. After a year of being ill and having very little energy or motivation, it meant a lot to me that I was able to walk around the whole zoo and that I enjoyed it. It also reminds me how patient and kind my parents were to me at that time, when I was incredibly difficult to live with.

 

8. Getting into Cardonald College, May 2006
I felt quite lost after dropping out of Glasgow Uni the previous year, and had no plans or thoughts about the future. Mum and I went along to a craft fair at the SECC in Glasgow and I stopped at a stand for Cardonald College. I spoke to a lovely lady, who would eventually interview me and be one of my tutors. It was just what I needed – something to focus on again, but without the pressure of the investment in a 4 year degree. I’d written off my art skills at school, and enjoyed the chance to rediscover them through this course.

9. China, June – July 2014

I’ve blogged previously about my 2 week holiday in China (see July and August 2014 for the links on the right hand side). It was so different from anywhere that I’ve been before – it’s hard to describe the scale of China, it’s so vast and varied. Highlights included seeing pandas, walking The Great Wall, taking in the views of rice terraced hillsides and watching the sunset over Hong Kong’s harbour skyline. I’m so grateful to have had opportunities to travel to exciting places over the past few years. To see beauty, to be amazed, to marvel, to take it all in, to wonder, to be still, to learn. These are all reasons why I love travelling.

 

10. Rwanda fundraising sale, February 2012
I was fortunate to have two jobs at the time, so was able to cover my own costs for going to Rwanda. But I wanted to raise some money for RDIS (Rural Development Inter-diocesan Service), the organisation I was going to be working with. So I decided to have a cake and craft sale at my house…quite a big challenge for someone who doesn’t like to display their art work in public, and a mother who doesn’t like to bake. But we pulled it off! I had lots of help from family and friends, and was so encouraged by the support and generosity of those who came along. I’ve never seen so many people in my house at the one time. I collapsed in a heap at the end of the day with my friends, and counted up the money – £790 on the day, with other donations coming in before and after. This is one of many occasions where God has showed me that He can turn my (perceived) weaknesses into strengths when I open myself up to the possibility.
 

All That Glitters

28. Go to a ballet performance

 

I feel a bit like Eliza Doolittle in 'My Fair Lady' after she returns from the ball and sings 'I Could Have Danced All Night'.  I may have been trying to stand on my tiptoes whilst drying my hair this morning.  And I may have just googled 'tutus'...

 

Yes, I was at the ballet last night!!  I booked tickets for The Scottish Ballet's The Nutcracker months ago, having (easily) persuaded my mum, Gill from work and her mum to come along with me.  The disadvantage of booking that far in advance is that I kept on forgetting it was coming up.  But by the time we were walking into the Theatre Royal, I was pretty excited!  I felt like a small child going out for a very grown up evening.  I even wore a skirt - it takes something special to get me to wear anything other than jeans.

 

The story felt a little slow to begin with, but then the Snow Queen came out wearing a beautiful, starched-till-it's-horizontal tutu, embroidered and sparkly - the was the moment when I knew why I had put this on my list.  I can't describe just how elegant, and graceful the dancers were.  Everything from their finger tips, to their toes, the angle of their neck, the position of their arms and legs - it's all considered and placed precisely, yet flows seamlessly.  These guys are athletes really - unbelievably toned, flexible, fit and strong.  The costumes and scenery were fantastic as well

 

I loved it, and found it mesmerising.  Oh how I wish I had been good at dancing or gymnastics when I was younger.  I'm about as graceful as an elephant.  But at least I'm a slightly more cultured elephant now.

 

A fuzzy mother-daughter selfie

Ceiling in The Theatre Royal - impressive. Unfortunately photography

during the performance was not allowed.

 

Fabric Habits

17. Make an item of clothing for myself

 

Technically a scarf is an accessory rather than an item of clothing.  But hey, this is my list, so I get to choose the rules!

 

I've had this butterfly fabric for a few years, having intended on making it into a top or something, but changed my mind.  So in it went, into the murky (but super organised) depths of one of my fabric boxes.  I've brought it out a few times, looked at it and then folded it back up and put it back in the box (a frequent occurrence with many of the fabrics in there).  But in November, I finally chopped it up and sewed it into a snood scarf, and bought some turquoise pompom trimming to put round the edge.  I just finished sewing that on last night, so here it is being worn today.  Not very technical or skilled, but it's something that I made for myself.

 

I Forget Where We Were

Happy New Year!

 

If you had told me this time last year what the next 12 months had in store, I don't think I would've believed you.  It was a year of amazing highs and almighty lows.  The best and worst year I've had for a long time, and in many ways I'm glad to see the back of it.

 

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this time of year.  There's something about reflecting on the past and making resolutions and plans for the future, that just puts me on edge.  I'm a naturally pessimistic person (unfortunately), so I know my reaction is more likely to focus on the negatives.  I have a friend who described New Year as an exciting time.  Interesting how the same event can provoke such different responses.

 

I've realised over the past month that I've spent a lot of my life looking behind me with regret and disappointment, or looking ahead with worry and nervous anticipation.  When did I stop living in the present?  When did I forget how to enjoy the moment?  How do I retrain my brain into having a more balanced and positive view of life?

 

Is it possible to reach a point where you've sorted your life out and feel confident about the kind of person you are and the choices you make?  I know myself better than I did 10 years ago, and feel that I've figured out quite a lot about myself.  And yet I still make so many mistakes, say and do the wrong thing, so often feel uncertain about the kind of person I want to be, or the person I should be.  Is life a moving scale of 'figured-outness' rather than reaching an end point?

 

Today marks 3 months until my 30th Birthday.  I've only completed 8 out of 30, although do have about 10 more underway or planned.  I'm still not feeling that great about the prospect of entering my thirties, but I hope I can change that in the next few months.  I'm not going to make specific new year resolutions for 2015, but will keep working through my list.

 

So here's to 2015 - and hopefully a happier, healthier and more positive year.

 

New Year in snowy Sheffield