So it's now only 6 days till I go to Rwanda. In some ways I just want to be there now! I applied to Tearfund to go on this trip last October, so it has felt like a long way off for quite a while. But now it's March and I leave so soon, and there is still so much to do.
I'm feeling really scared - what if I can't cope, what if it's too hot, what if I can't teach, what if I don't fit in... I'm trying to remember why I said I wanted to do this, and instead I just feel frightened and panicky. I don't feel I have much to offer to the other girls I'm going with, or to RDIS, the organisation we'll be working with. I've been trying to make sure that I have everything that I might need so I can pack. But I don't really know what I'll need! There are so many unknowns.
This is so far out of my comfort zone, I suppose it's normal to feel worried. But I don't like it. I have at least 4 lists on the go, in order to try and feel a bit more in control. I'm procrastinating and feel very distracted. I'm tired, and rather than having a relaxing last week at home, I'm trying to fit too much in and am not getting the things done that need doing.
Why am I doing this again?!
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